Hi, I’m a hypocrite. 10



trustpic

Trust.

I am so afraid to tell you how I trust because, I don’t trust well. Not yet at least.

I am learning to trust better and I am learning to trust up and I am learning to trust myself. And gosh, I am re-learning to trust my husband.

It’s heavy, it’s deep and honestly, it’s kind of a secret.

My global-self straps on a little black dress of self confidence, trust in everyone and grit enough to know when I am being taken advantage of.

My local-self lounges in pajamas of self doubt and trust in negativity and complete cluelessness.

To put it simply, I act one way and feel a different way.

Hi, my name is Ria and I am a hypocrite.

But, I don’t want be. I am confessing my sins and I am ready to do the meetings and self assess. I want to get that medal; you know the kind you get when you have over come an addiction?

I am addicted to trusting the bad, and I know that trusting the good is my antidote.

Let me explain: my dear friend is coming for a visit and we decided to do a Bali trip, just us. When we had first made these plans, I was so excited.

But have you ever tried picking a holiday package to Bali? Expedia gives you twenty five pages of options- room, villa, pool, no pool, noise, less noise…the list goes on. I had 50 tabs open on my computer, several text messages of advice on my phone, hundreds of trip advisor reviews memorized and NOT ONE decision made.

Why?

Because I only trust the bad reviews.

Let’s break it down.

On one hotel, 1,130 people had reviewed it. Out of those, 1,110 were amazing, 9 were okay, and 11 were bad.

My (computer) mouse ran through the maze like a cat was chasing it and hid under the 11 bad reviews. It set up camp and invited friends over. Doubt came, frustration brought flowers and hesitation stayed the night.

A pattern emerged. How did I completely believe 11 people who had a bad experience, but not over a 1000 people who would return over and over again?

Did I do this with people? Do I sit down to read all the worst reviews on them, but merely skim over the good? Do I trust the negative, but mistrust the positive?

Is this what had happened in my marriage?

You see, my darling husband had made a promise to me before we got married. It was a private promise of a worldly matter. And although he tried his very best, the promise was not fulfilled. Our first year of marriage was hard and a lot of it had to do with me not being able to trust him because he didn’t follow through on that one promise. Seriously? He followed through on a million other promises and I still held on to that one negative from way back when and that is who I chose to believe he was.

For lack of a better term, it  I was just silly.

So, I have decided to rewrite my pattern. To re-teach myself a new way of trust. This is my new mantra and this is how I am going to earn my medal.

These are the days for change

These are the days for brave

These are the days for trust and the ways of faith.

I will trust the best of you and love the worst of you.

I will ask for forgiveness and forgive myself.

I will trust the bright and the beautiful; your word and your action.

I will loosen my expectations and hold your hand tighter.

 I will wear my little black dress at home.

I might even wear heels.

Friends, is trust hard for you? Does your global girl match your local girl? Who do you need to trust a little more?

Love,

Ria


About Riyanka Panditha

Hello. I am Riyanka. Commonly referred to as “Ria” and daily loved by my family and friends. I am a child of God, a wife, a daughter, a sister and a friend. I love to sing, dance in the rain and make single servings of cake. I am known for my listening skills and my lack of response to Facebook messages. You can follow my writing more over at www.riyankaleah.com I was born in India, raised in the middle east, spent my most growing years in the US, married the hottest Sri-Lankan Australian hunk and moved to Perth, Western Australia 4 years ago! Life is extravagant, yet simple. Extravagant in love, simple in things. Just the way I like it :)


10 thoughts on “Hi, I’m a hypocrite.

  • Elaine Fraser

    Oh Ria! I love your post. I loved how hesitation stayed the night. Oh my goodness you’ve described trust and lack of trust so well.

    I’d love to hear you read this out. Brilliant. Just brilliant. The sort of brilliant that’s brave, honest, authentic and true!

    Xxx👏👏👏👏

    • Ria

      Thank you so much for your kindness and encouragement. It means so much. This was a hard one for me to write, but there was such a sense of freedom once I did! You are just wonderful Elaine!

    • Ria

      Thank you so much Mama Kathy! Sending so much love and a couple of kangaroo kisses back xx

  • Preetham

    Hi, my name is Preetham and I am a bigger hypocrite a.k.a. big brother hypocrite.

    Hey baby sis just popped in to say HI. Met your folks today on their return journey from SA and got me thinking of the old days.

    Well since whatsapp is a “no go” and Facebook is a lost cause (your words not mine) … this was me being resourceful.

    Hope you and the hot Sri Lankan Australian you were referring to in your blog, are living it up as married couples should.

    Bye for now.

    • Ria

      HI PREETHS!
      Thank you for reaching out and for your encouragement. I will connect with you on whatsapp soon. You reading my post means so much to me. Love you x

  • Amanda

    your honesty and vulnerability is so refreshing and totally is present in every part of your life that I have been a witness of. you are amazing my friend

  • Jodie McCarthy

    So true that we trust the negative but find it so much harder to trust the positive. (I may possibly resemble you when looking at hotel reviews, but don’t tell anyone!) Great post Ria xx

    • Ria

      It can be our little secret Jodie! 🙂 Thank you for your kind words. Can’t wait to meet you soon x

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