I often wrestle with who I am. 5



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Honestly this has been the first theme that I have really struggled with here at Kinwomen. We have been going now for three years and a few months. Each month, a new theme and I have been found here writing. This month I have sat page open, words very few.

The reason why this theme of identity has been a wrestle is because I often question who I really am.

In a world that demands perfection, brilliance and excellence. I question often.

I know some of the big things.

I remember significant times of revelation and also significant seasons of confusion.

I am often swayed by what someone says about me.

I can be found processing my days in my head and trying to find clarity.

Honestly this is the true me.

I’m a thinker, a dreamer, an optimist and insecure.

I am bold, creative and often hesitant.

I am a stay at home Mum and at the same time a business owner.

It is funny the things I should be saying that define me in comparison to that which truely does.

I wish I could write that I’m steady and strong, impacted everyday knowing that I am a child of God but the truth is I have to remind myself often and realign my sense of worth by His truth not my own.

I wrestle.

How about you?

I wish I could write a big speech about how important it is that we all know who we are and what we stand for, but sometimes I struggle.

And that is okay.

How about you?

What are you believing about yourself in this season?

Are you clear?

Does it feel fuzzy?

No matter where your focus lies, my hope is that you would wrestle towards truly knowing who has the end of your story and how deeply you are loved.

Known and Loved, these are two things I need to remind myself on those days that I wrestle.

Amanda Viviers


About Amanda

Amanda Viviers Is an Author, Speaker, Creative Consultant and Novice Mum. Author of three books and she can be found most days at her shack close to the beach writing her fourth. She writes daily at www.amandaviviers.com and has worked in professional musical theatre. She worked on staff at Riverview for 12 years, mostly in the field of Creative Arts. Finalist in the Telstra Young Business Woman of the year and Community Services Award. She has a Bachelor of Arts majoring in History and Literature and studied Musical Theatre at WAPPA. She is a presenter on radio across New Zealand and Australia and is the co-founder of kinwomen; a network created especially for women. Recent Winner of ‘2013 CMA Best Digital Media Project Award’ for her blog Capture life. She is passionate about social justice and in the past has loved supporting children in the slums of Thailand and Indonesia. Wife of Charl and Mum of Maximus and Liberty. She lives a creative life, longing to see people lived inspired.


5 thoughts on “I often wrestle with who I am.

  • Flo

    The question of who I am has recently bubbled to the surface and the answer I always end up with is “I just don’t know”. Since becoming a mother and having to hold down a full time job whilst my partner went through several redundancies I’ve lost my way.
    If asked what my career goals are… I don’t have any. I don’t have TIME to stretch myself, study or even think about it all!
    If asked what my hobbies are… I don’t have any. I am either working or juggling housework then collapsing into bed exhausted.
    There just simply isn’t any time to “be” any more. And that frightens me.

    • Amanda Post author

      Hey Flo,

      Most of my confusion surfaced after having my first son. Novice motherhood is crazy hey. My prayer is that you would find in those very seldom quiet times that you are known and loved.

      Thanks for your honesty

      Amanda

  • Kara Shead

    Your post touched a raw nerve in me. I was recently invited to think about and share with my work colleagues what my purpose and passion are. I drew a blank. I am shy and reserved. My world is consumed by my family and my work. When I do have a spare moment I don’t have any desire to do anything. I don’t know who I am anymore.

    • Amanda Post author

      Hey Kara,

      thanks so much for being so honest also. My prayer and thoughts is that you would find the way to gain the perspective I seek also that I am known and I am loved. That you would find a peace that transcends understanding and through this season of unsurity, that you would dig deep to find truly what you were created for.

      All my love

      Amanda

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