It’s hard to love well when we are suffering… this was a line Jo-Anne wrote in her blog post earlier in the month…it struck a chord with me – quite a deep chord actually. I haven’t written here for a few months, I’ve been in pain…trying to get ‘well’
You see for the last three years I have been ‘suffering’. Not always evident on the outside but hurting like crazy on the inside. As I’m walking this journey of recovery and doing the ‘tasks of grief’.
I’m realising more and more that I’ve been suffering a lot longer than I realised. Not just since my husband’s death. You see I’ve never been that kind to myself. I haven’t had a lot of compassion for myself either.
Wellness can be on so many levels – heart, soul, body, mind and our relationship with ourselves. During a counselling session a month back I had a revelation of how I have been seeing myself. Like an extra on a vacuum cleaner – one of those attachments. Not really an essential, not something that is necessary or even something that makes a difference if it’s there or not.
At this point I knew I had pretty much hit the bottom and from this point I realised I had to start the new journey of becoming well and seeing myself differently – you see how can I love well, when this is how love myself?
I want to be able to say “all is well with my soul”.
I want to be able to be kind to myself and I want to feel like I have value. Sometimes it’s not our body that needs the attention…it’s our core. The sea of voices, our ‘go-to’ thought, what we say to ourselves sometimes coming from years of formation.
Now the task is to re-set those thoughts. Start a new thought? Our own voice is the one we trust the most so it’s pretty important what we say to ourselves.
What do you say to yourself?
Is all well with your soul?
I’m praying it is my friend. That has to be the best feeling doesn’t it…created to love and be loved. But it’s hard to love when we are suffering…journeying on…
Till we meet again