I like to think I’ve got quite a good handle on this ‘reinvention’ thing.
I make respectable resolutions every year.
I incorporate ‘on trend’ into my wardrobe and house.
My Instagram feed is seamless and rather aesthetic, no?
Folks, I’ve got it all together, right?
As I grow up I’m more and more aware of just how many broken bits I have.
The bit that doesn’t function quite right because of a deep root of rejection.
The part that needs a bit of oiling once in a while because there’s pride.
Which really stems from the ever-rolling tape that asks the question of whether I’m good enough, and the insecurity that puts a wall up where it shouldn’t be.
The thing is, we’re all walking around with our own invisible broken bits. Places within us that are vulnerable, or weak, or messy. And to be reinvented, we can’t just reinvent the outside, the visible, and think that somehow it’ll work it’s magic on the inside too. Shedding a couple of kilos isn’t going to make the pain disappear, and having the coolest clothes doesn’t bring confidence to the rejected girl on the inside.
Trust me, I know.
And I think reinvention is about daring to see the unseen, and work on that. Relentlessly.
Recently I spent a few days away from home. When my kids were tucked into their cottage bedroom, and my parents had walked up the hill to their caravan I knew I needed to spend time in the quiet. I needed to reflect, to pray, and to ask myself some hard questions for 2016. But do you know what? I couldn’t do it. I was so alone and it was uncomfortable.
I couldn’t still my soul. I couldn’t face myself.
Instead I scrolled mindlessly on my phone, avoiding myself, and any broken parts of me that might make themselves visible.
I’ve gotten braver since. I’ve stopped to ask some hard questions.
I’ve prayed, and reflected and let go. I’ve determined to work on those unseen things – the state of my heart and the quality of my thoughts. Because these are what need reinventing. Not the state of my house and the quality of my clothes.
“There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.”*
Lets take a good, hard look at ourselves and instead of seeing the need for a new hair cut or weight loss, lets be brave enough to look a bit deeper. Maybe we can work on our patience, maybe we need to be more generous with our words or our time. Maybe we need the integrity to stick to what we said we were going to do, even when no one is looking. Lets be brave enough to reinvent the things that probably won’t gain us extra followers on social media.
Because those things? Those things will leave a legacy much more lasting than anything we can see with our naked eye.
* 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (the Message)