So you think, you can: Be Broken Hearted.



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Earth has it’s moments of destruction, humiliation, pain and humanity.

I have found that on my spiritual journey I have this daily, moment by moment opportunity to connect to the peace that runs deep like a river in my soul.

I carry it in my pocket, it’s an anchor that brings clarity to my mind.

In my twenties I unfortunately discovered that it doesn’t make me able to escape the mess of life. While I had signed up to a faith that proclaimed all things work together for good, the waves of life hit me like a tsunami and I was left washed up on the shore unable to breathe.

I was anxious for the next minute of life.

I was broken hearted.

I had dreamed of my life with a said person and I had decided that no matter what we would face we could work it out. But then it was over and there I was a ball of mess on the verandah of my parents house.

I wailed with heavy tears streaming down my face. It was the ugly cry that was accompanied by the sound of an elephant in pain.
I thought there was no way I would ever recover and no way I could face tomorrow let alone the next half hour.

Here’s the deal though. I came to and my heart in a thousand pieces began to heal. My growling and leaking multiple litres of tears did go on for weeks. But over time I got used to my space again and being alone wasn’t a death sentence. Instead I began to see I’d gained a ticket to freedom.

Whilst it’s fair to say it was one of worst times of my life, I look back with a sense of courage. That no matter how low life gets I know I have the gumption to face another day.

It was in those days that self talk was my closest friend.

Two of the classic lines I muttered to my self were ‘ stop trying to figure it all out’ and ‘ it’s okay to cry and not have it all together’.

So when tomorrow is bleak, I recommend cutting yourself some slack and don’t try and figure it all it out. You don’t have to have all the answers. Sometimes life backfires and you end up in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It’s also important to note that I was in a relationship with a human. Who is like me: wonderful but all together packed with flaws.
It’s in these moments tags I choose to be kind and trust myself.

I breathe and I let the consciousness/unconscious anchor of peace that I carry, still my soul.

I also think strength comes when I choose to move forward. Sometimes all that looks like is: waking up, going to work, coming home and climbing into bed.

I repeat this and before I know it weeks have passed.

I can however get caught in a vice where I often assume I know what tomorrow will bring. Honestly though, the truth is none of us have a clue. Tomorrow is unknown.

I choose to embrace this uncertainty by switching off the lamp, saying goodnight to the day, knowing full well tomorrow will gracefully roll around soon enough.

I reckon you’ve got this even if you feel like you don’t.

Polly


About Sara Polanski

In my grandparents wooden trunk you will find a big box full of the S.P. journals. A simple collection of my thoughts, feelings and random moments. I have been putting pen to paper since I was 15. And without sounding too naff, writing is my way of connecting to my soul and processing all that life throws at me. My words are a whole lot of honesty, thrown in with a bit of humour and hopefully some wisdom. But I'll let you be the judge. xox